Mid 90's-Present

On repeat

the Brando in the bathroom

"This pen will just not focus after fish"

says Brando in the bathroom, after Jeremiah died,

after Brian died, after Bob died, mythology of

red-draped basement apartment in the West Village,

rent-stabilized but didn't need to be, won an Obie

never won an Obie, never will win an Obie

(because Brian died?) but there's the Brando in the bathroom,

of some great worth, my birth chart says I'll never worry about money

but I always worry about money but I refuse to believe my birth chart is wrong

so Jeremiah must have meant otherwise about "worry" or "money" 

or maybe he meant about the Brando, foresaw his own death and knew

he had the Brando, the Brando that would go in the bathroom

so no one has to "worry" about "money," (he won an Obie, Jeremiah)

that's all gone, every New York sense memory is from 

the waiting room at St. Vincent's in the 1990's 

and the kind of video you borrow from the library

where the skyline looks like it shouldn't have gone in the washer

so, so many times, but the Brando is in black and white.

My father took the Brando out of the bathroom but now I never go in anywhere anymore

so I wouldn't know whereto went the Brando, "this pen just will not focus" or

"this pen will just not focus" or what does "after fish" mean? Like a diner

filled with autographs like the Galaxy used to be and full of aliens too,

a diner must be just as bad for photos as the bathroom, with the smoke and grease

the constant threat of fire and the 24 hour light. I don't remember about Bob.

How wonderful to be able to say "well that means never now" and finally relax,

so many others might still win an Obie and think they will but won't 

and might not have the Brando in the end when everyone's alone

and every stage is dark.