off_the_rails

The next 10 years of my life is a can of condensed milk

in the mini fridge next to my bed to be used in case of emergencies 

like needing to not get enough sleep. 

Before sleeping I crack it open and take a swig for a rush,

racing thoughts erode my teeth, creating gaps for my mind 

to slip through my guard rail adult braces and into chaotic buoyancy.

 

Assigned Seating Plz

pattycakerama 

flour brake to slow the slide of my tongue through my teeth bit perfectly. 

dinner tables are that bubble universe theory bring us together or let us 

fall apart into twos, 

do the math, triangulate participation, or just focus on your plate let it pile up. 

If you're gonna bite of more than you can chew like what ur eating or be okay with the disembodied act of 

chewing. 

Chewing on what he just said, hearing what she just said to them, thinking about someone else sonically. 

Cacophonous cacophony let it all be drowned out in the pattycakerama, 

plz spread ur howdy lasso fork-on-glass cowboy. 

JANetc

i do remember the rabbit blood on the snow 

and I imagine where the hawk could have gone 

and this all takes place in January in my mind. 

Why wasn't I there. It feels like I was. Should I say this out loud,*

It's all taken place in January a slow livid drag

across the snow You're beautiful but ur gonna fade away

but not in January. I've never left. 

I'm still there pretending to be in those heart beaten days

Painting walls white in my wool socks praying for a beginning

this place is a work in progress the office floor just needs to be stripped. 

How can I be this. More. 

The shrine covered in snow me dragging my feet spilt minestrone soup

that keeps my hands warm.

I notice and try explaining the foot prints that I walk in hoping to feel them. 

I'm still there in the attic and on the back porch smoking a cigarette jumping 

to conclusions and hoping this is the time that the planet dies 

wondering if there is asbestos in the shellac of the floor I stop scraping. 

* "Maybe this is one time it will always be that second to third week of January." 

The first winter that cost a lot of money and the diesel was too

much for the collective bank account and retirement fund dissolution projections, 

or so I've imagined.