chewing loudly

too dark toast from a loaf
3 days stale
bagel sandwich
w/ fried shallots
crunch crunch
rigid carrots
celery snap
immersion blending
lentil soup
mashed potatoes
decaf coffee grinder
fizzy drinks
the kind that
seem to whir up your ear canal
impeding sound
bbq chips
ultra sonic snack
blocking thoughts
of the frequency
of your laugh
which I haven’t heard since oct 14
not that you’ve stopped laughing
(god I hope you
haven’t stopped laughing)
just not near me
curious how many more months
it might take
to displace the exact decibel of
your raucous
joyful laughter
from my stupid stuck brain
that has it caught on loop

instead of texting

I’m going to try to feel you now

I know where you are and who you’re with

I know the way your mother is proud and boasting

I know the sound of you singing 

through your toothpaste

and the warm deep sticky syrup 

that fills your belly chest

and the electric flashes

and thankful smiles

and pinched icy looks

as you sway between

yourself and yourself 

watching the deer switch out

for golfers

through the window

of your safety.