how i am melting

 

i am trying to process

how mobs have flocked

to the capital building,

no beaten! no stormed!

no, guns are present 

and aged politicians 

are locked away

to be kept “safe.”

safety, ever elusive
concept, safety, where
are you when we need
you, safety, how?

one lone guard 
attempting to steward

a deluge of proud boys

out red hats blinking

like,“caution, caution!”

distraught promise 

of greatness murdering

millions and i’m sitting

on a couch, and the sun’s 

coming in, and my father

dropped off a double

dose of tapioca pudding

this afternoon.

i want to say no!

and i am so, so

exhausted, every

aspect of the equation,

if not horrifying is,

totally exhausting.

i know i have 

the privilege of 

sinking into my 

fatigue, i am 

doing my best,

trust, and still,

while frightened, 

i am not surprised

by these storms,

i am praying,

i am reading 

the news, i am

doing my best,

i slept for ten 

hours last night, 

able to do things

in my dreams 

i haven’t been

able to in waking

life like dance with 

friends like karaoke

like kiss, then this,

to wake to amazing 

news (Georgia! blue!)

to transition into

utter violence,

to be alone, 

in a home,

warm,

tired,

trying.